The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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