We're like a lot better than the average bears
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
