Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.