I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
