you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
