Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
