i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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