I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
