i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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