I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
