That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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