lets start a swedish sibling band together
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
