dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
