I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
