Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
