I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
