have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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