R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
