what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
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He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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