In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
