The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
