just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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