i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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