I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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