why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
