it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize