i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
