Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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