Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
