you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
