the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize