There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
