i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Everclear isn't food dammit
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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