I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have aggressive nipples.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
