I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Everything about him screamed your future.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
