everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
