I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
farters have to be the big spoon...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
