my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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