Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
