My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
