the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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