I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I could fuck to npr.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
