you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
