my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
