The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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