Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
