Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
