I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
