Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
