I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Less talking, more tequila
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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