I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm at about main and main street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize