I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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