I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
