Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
