I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
