nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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