why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
