His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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