meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
