Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
