Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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