i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
