Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
