Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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