omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will pee on everything he values.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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