Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
